Feb 16 2020

Day 3


I didn't smoke a durrie yeaterday cos I couldn't buy any. But I vaped.
That was kinda ok, but I woke this morning desperate for one.
Thankfully G got me a pack. So far I've smoked 4. I want to try and reduce to less than 5 a day before the 29...my cut off day.
Does vaping count?

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Feb 14 2020

Day one


I have to blog for study. It's a reflective practice, so I may as well apply that thinking here.
My smoking journey is long. I grew up with smokers. I was anti smoking for a few years in my youth, stabbing holes in my parents durries and replacing their ciggies with ones that went pop. It was fun, but got me in heaps of trouble.
I came out when I was 16, and my then boyfriend smoked. Back then, everyone smoked, so I started.
I'm 45 now.
Ciggies went from about 2.75 to 37.90 over the last 29 years. At least someone is making money out of it.
I've tried to quit 5+ times, and always failed.
2 years ago I got a vape. It worked for about a month. And when I'm out of ciggies, I'll hit it.
I've gotten so desperate I'll even reroll from the ashtray. What a shameful thing to admit.
This time, it's a raft of things that are directing me to give up.
Money is the main thing. It's crazy spenny, and with every drag I take there is an element of guilt.
Smell is another thing. I don't want to stink. But I do.
I'm hoping this time, it will work.
I live with my partner and his mum. She gave up a year ago, which is inspirational.
When I started the masters I'm doing, I got champax, I was on it a month, but the dreams I was having drove me crazy. I even got sleeping pills to try and get through the night. It was horrid.
I'm going to try and do it with whatever support I can muster.
I've set my quit day for the 29th Feb...a day that usually doesn't exist.
Fingers crossed huh?

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