May 19 2015
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Happy Days

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My lawyer has told me that its now official...my access to Abi by phone is now set to twice a week...I am so happy!!!
Nicodemon is giving me a hard time at present but I am kicking him to the curb where he belongs :)
The downside currently is I have given my landlord a heads-up that Thanida and I are separating and he didn't take it too well. From my view I need Thanida to come back down so we can sort out what we are doing with all the furniture etc. There's nothing I can do without that happening first. So, here's hoping she gets down here soon. I don't like being hostage to her whims.
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May 19 2015
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Stats Update 94 days smokefree

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Smokefree days: 94 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 940
Total savings: $987.00

I have got free legal advice around access to my daughter Abigail. Basically because of the distance it will be phone access but at least something formal will be in place.
On the down side I contacted WINZ because Thanida and Abigail are no longer with me and my benefit will be cut from $120 per week to $27-50 per week which means like it or lump it I cant afford to keep living here anymore....the cost of being honest huh?
Anyways I just wanted to keep my family up-to-date, and I hope that everyone is having a strong and happy day.

Rob
Dunedin
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May 15 2015
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Depression and Nicodemon

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Hi my family,
Sorry its been a while since I was last here. To cut a long story I have lost my daughter and have been in the very deep and dark place of depression since. Looks like I will have to go through the legal channels to get at least phone contact with Abigail but that's how it goes. I have found nicodemon and depression work hand in hand...one tells me its okay to smoke and the other tells me that I am useless, a failure etc. Both of them can go and get f$%^&d.
Anyway I just wanted to check in again with my Family and tell you I am very down but not defeated.

Rob
Dunedin
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Apr 14 2015
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Stats Update 59 days smokefree

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Smokefree days: 59 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 590

Total savings: $630.00
Hello all....haven't been around here for a while but I haven't succumbed to the wiles of that ugly nicodemon.
My ex is being really nasty to do with my future access to my daughter Abigail. I miss Abigail so very much...she is such a joy to me and I am doing it tough with her not around :(

Anyway, I just wanted to check in and say hello...I hope all of my family here are doing well and staying strong.

Rob
Dunedin
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Apr 3 2015
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Home again

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Hi all....just wanted to check i and lt you know that I am finally home again from Hospital and am feeling reasonably okay.

My ex is still away with Abigail and this house feels cold and lonely....such is the warmth and sunshine Abi brings to my world. I really do love her with all my heart and soul.

I am feeling quite strong about staying quit now I am home and ill be doing all I can to resist nicodemon.... I know he comes like a thief in the night and I am determined to kick him back to the gutter where he belongs.

I hope all my family here are doing well today, and remaining strong.


Rob
Dunedin
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Apr 1 2015
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New Me

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Amongst other things I had to agree to a blood transfusion a few days ago which I did. The symbolism of having new blood throughout my body wasn't lost on me and I thought of the process of becoming a non-smoker.

When I gave up smoking on this latest attempt of mine it was like becoming a new me and the process was similar to getting a transfusion - I became a new me through my actions. I hope this makes sense.

My ex is being problematic and is denying me Skype calls with my daughter Abigail. When she went up to Auckland a couple of weeks ago it was on a promise that I could have Skype access with Abi and it's not happening :((( I am regretting not making the access formal (I was advised to do so by someone on these blogs but I thought it would be okay). So...I am sad and blue but I cannot let his derail my strength. I am going to need every ounce of it when I get home again which looks like being on Friday.

Anyway thankyou for your wonderful support here....as I have always said it means the world to me :)


Rob
Dunedin
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Mar 31 2015
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Stats Update 45 days smokefree

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Smokefree days: 45 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 450
Total savings: $483.00

I am back into a general ward after yet another few days in ICU getting a transfusion to combat another bout of blood poisoning. The Doctors were worried about organ failure....hence treatment in the ICU.
I have been having very strange and vivid nightmares and dreams which the Doctors say is common with the strong medication I am on. One recurring one is of Abigail smoking....and it reinforces my quit and desire to maintain a smokefree life for her (and for myself of course). Abi and my ex are still up in Auckland and I don't know when they are coming back. I miss Abi so very much and my world is a colder place without her in it :
However I have had two admissions to the ICU in a comparatively short space of time now and my focus has to be on myself....getting better and stronger. All going well I will be able to go home again soon...that's where I have to use my quit tools such as ODAAT, NOPE, my NRT and water....as well as the blogs and the people at Quitline by phone.

Anyway my dear Family I hope that everyone is happy and doing well, no matter what stage of your quit journeys.


Rob
Dunedin
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Mar 26 2015
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Home

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I have returned home on overnight leave from Hospital this afternoon and I have been bombarded with temptation to do down to the dairy and but some smokes and the old "one wont hurt" etc.....but I am hanging tough and not allowing nicodemon have the victory over me again....I have come too far and been through too much to give in again now.
The enormity of how much I have achieved and lived through so much this year is what I hold onto, and the excitement from my little girl Abigail when I told her I was giving up the smokes a few weeks ago. I am glad to be home but it comes with a comparative freedom that I must be strong (I hope that makes sense).

I hope everyone is doing well and managing to stay strong and focused.


Rob
Dunedin
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Mar 24 2015
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Stats Update 38 days smokefree

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Smokefree days: 38 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 380
Total savings: $399.00

I am still in Hospital but should be going home tomorrow.
At present I am well on top of nicodemon and will remain strong at home.
This is the furthest I have got in any quit attempt before and as far as I am concernrd I will remain quit and strong.

I hope my online family here are doing well :)


Rob
Dunedin
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Mar 21 2015
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Stats Update 35 days smokefree

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Smokefree days: 35 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 350
Total savings: $378.00

I am in hospital now which is the best place for me currently. Thankyou for all the support I have received here...means the world to me...

Rob
Dunedin
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