I've been smoke dreaming today. Everywhere I looked I saw people smoking - especially when driving. Cannot believe how many people smoke whilst driving. I was one of those - every time I got in the car - light a smoke, radio blaring, window down just a bit. As I was driving today I thought - how did I used to get through a pack of 20 every freaking day (and 25s in the weekends...). Wake up, shower, get dressed for work, cuppa, 2 smokes. Drive to work, 2 smokes. Get to work, always half hour early to make breakfast. Cuppa, 2 smokes. Plough into work until morning tea. 2 smokes. Work. Lunch. Likely 2 to 3 smokes. Afternoon, would hope for appointments so I could drive and smoke. Finish work, drive home. Supermarket stop to but dinner supplies (yep, I am a daily shopper), 6 pack of beers, food for the evening. Home. Change. Open 1st beer. 2 smokes. 2nd beer, 2 smokes. 3rd beer, probably 3 smokes. Cook dinner. Eat. 3 smokes left in the pack. Know I need at least 2 left for the morning (or else wake up earlier and drive to the servo to buy another pack, good bye to another 30 bucks). Another smoke or two before bed. Wake up. Repeat. Like a smoking robot. Every single day. Except Friday night, driving home from work, double the beer supply and buy a pack of 25s instead...39 bucks...
10 days, not a single smoke. Feel a bit of a fraud having taken up the vape, but now my routine is wake up, shower, ready for work, cuppa (no vape), drive to work (no vape cause I left it at home), work the full day. Drive home. Change out of work gear - didn't buy any beers either. Get dinner prepared. Have a glass of vino and about 6pm have a couple of puffs on the vape. Watch news. prepare dinner. Have another vino. Couple of puffs on the vape. Bit more TV. Bed. All going ok so far. Still feeling that smoking is something I would love to be doing, but after 35 years sucking on the fags, know it might take a long long time to change my head space. Vaping is not my permanent future, I feel a bit like a fraud having taken it up as a smoking substitute, but if it allows me to get off tobacco in the short term, going to continue with it for a time. Thanks everyone, especially all the old experienced gooses on here who are still supporting years into their quits. Your wisdom and inspiration is much appreciated.

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Comments

  • avatar-icon
    Nana22 said:
    13 June 2019

    Congrats Mr Now on double digits, and on your self awareness.
    It's not until we quit and start looking at triggers and habits that we realise just how ingrained smoking is.
    Looks like you are changing some of your routines up which is a great way to establish being smokefree.
    I smoked a pack a day for 45 years and yep it did take a long time to feel comfortable without a smoke, but it's really a matter of repeating new habits and routines even though it feels weird. With time those new ways do become the new 'normal'.

    Try not to worry about using the vape. It is a valid tool to help as patches and lozenges were for me. You do need to develop other strategies as well and keep the vape for when it's really needed, rather than as a substitute for a cigarette........and i see that you are well aware of that.

    It is very early days yet so keep going developing new habits and strategies.
    For now celebrate your awesome 10 days smokefree.

    From one of the younger 'old geese'! LOL

  • avatar-icon
    PSPSP said:
    13 June 2019

    And don't forget that sense of panic when you realise that you have only got 10 cigarettes left for the night.

    I have to say MrNow that there is nothing fraudulent about vaping. You do what you have to do to stop smoking. When the time is right you will be vape free.

    I fully get where you are coming from about smoking something you would love to be doing. You are right it is a head space thing. There are the physical cravings-they don't last long, then the emotional cravings and the habitual aspect-those habits take a while to break.

    PG and I felt like you and it did take a while to change the thinking. But it does happen and I can tell you we love, love love being non smokers. After almost 7 years it still gives us a buzz to be smoke free.

    Keep pushing through-you are doing really well and enjoying your blogs.

  • avatar-icon
    MrNow said:
    13 June 2019

    Quitline. Cure the errors of this site.Please. Taking time to post and then just getting error messages is not good enough. Sort It Out. Once and for All.

  • avatar-icon
    Blondene said:
    13 June 2019

    I agree with the Nana and PSpsp use the vape as a quitting aid not a replacement cigarette...quit smoking..then quit the vape...you got this!

  • avatar-icon
    MrNow said:
    13 June 2019

    Thanks for your supporting comments Nana22, PSPSP and Blondene. Tried to post you all a greatfull message, but just got error error error. So Cheers for your wonderful support, when all I can think about is how awesome smoking would be right now.

  • avatar-icon
    nanaturtle said:
    13 June 2019

    Hhhmmmm....one day, MrNow, I would like to think, You too, could become an 'old goose'!!
    You already have a Wisdom 🦉borne of Your own experience-it's Our pleasure to share&support.
    You're doing Really well 👍 ODAAT
    NOPE Stay Strong 🙂

  • avatar-icon
    Quitline Admin said:
    13 June 2019

    Kia ora Mr Now,
    Sorry about the errors with your comments. Can you please let us know what error message came up so we can pass it on to the IT team?
    Kind Regards
    The Quitline team