By heironymusGosh I’ve written blogs like this so many times but this is by far the hardest one. I wish I could just stick my head in the sand and pretend everything’s okay but I can’t. I didn’t want to blog this but I have to, I owe it to my friends. I can’t just disappear and leave everyone wondering.
I need to say that I am so sorry for letting everyone down, not just my children, my husband, myself, but also my treasured quit family who mean so much to me and have supported me through thick and thin. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this, what I have done disgusts me.
In an effort to refrain from name-calling, I have no excuse. I’m tired. I’m sick. I’m sad. I’ve just had enough of this thing called life. How long before I stop crying that I just want my Mum?
No, smoking hasn’t changed a thing. It just served to reinforce everything I thought I’d already learned. I suppose that has to count for something, with any luck this will be the last time I take this lesson.
Anyway, clearly my quit plan needs refining. I’m not a fighter and I need to be. I need to fight to stay smokefree. I have to stop giving up when life gets too hard.
As punishment for my foolhardiness, I have confiscated all of my smokefree treats and am about to remove my chipped nail polish. I know I will be back on the wagon soon but probably not so publicly, I’m tired of embarrassing myself by announcing I’ve cracked it, only to have to later slink away ashamed.
Please everyone, stay strong. While I’m a terrible example, I’m still supporting you all, all the way.
All my love,